Anyway, this long-term project has given me the opportunity to re-visit some of Freja's earlier work. It's been quite refreshing, yet sad at the same time. Refreshing in that it's been a pleasure to re-discover the reasons why Freja became my favorite model over three years ago. Sad in that I've also realized that the model she is now is so very different from the model I initially became a fan of.
This is the model that I miss. The one who had such a brightness in her eyes and liveliness in her face. The one who didn't seem so weathered by complacency and burdened by androgyny. I miss the Freja that used to walk down the runway seemingly thinking "Cool, you just want me to walk and you'll pay me for this?" instead of "I gotta uphold my too-cool for school rep and casually saunter down this thing." I miss the days when fans were drawn to her for her work and not just for her perceived sexuality or personality. And I know it's unfair of me to say these things and to think this way. It's unfair of me to want to capture Freja in a time-capsule and have her remain the perfect picture in my mind. But I just can't help it. How selfish of me, right? I should be happy that she's grown and developed her skill as a model. I should be happy that she's matured into an industry that accepts her despite her unconventionality.
But that's just it. She used to represent this rare honesty in fashion and modeling that I loved. It's what made her special and unique amongst all the other models. You got the sense that what you saw on the runway and in editorials was who she was in real life with no pretenses. She didn't bend her street style to fit in with the model-mold. She didn't care if she had visible tattoos or cut her hair against her agency's wishes. It's what she wanted to do and by god, she was going to do it, work be damned. Ironically enough, as Freja gets more work and becomes more visible and popular, she seems to be losing the very things that attracted me to her in the first place. I still love seeing new work from her, but the unbridled joy and spontaneity are gone. That unconventionality is gone, only to be replaced by conformity.
I thought that maybe writing all of this out and getting it off my chest would help me. Kind of like a therapeutic release. After all, it is my blog and it was created on the premise that I would share my thoughts and musings about Freja. Well, this is how I've been feeling lately, and I don't believe in censoring the bad and only focusing on the good. Therefore, I'm playing out my inner turmoil right here...lucky you if you've read this far, right? I know, you must be thinking that I'm a shitty fan. At least, I'm not the type of fan you would want to or think to run a fan blog. And how self-indulgent and petty of me to yammer away like this about stuff that isn't even a bit significant compared to the real turmoil going on in the world. How vain-glorious of me to criticize the only reason why you're reading my words in the first place...kind of like shooting myself in the foot. But with fashion week coming up I'm just trying to get back to that place where the sheer excitement of it all propelled and inspired me. So please bear with me for now.
Image Credits: eurowoman.dk via jelsoka @ tFS
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